July 28, 2016 @ 11:30AM
In hopes of being loved, I’ve given my heart away. I’ve done this time and time again like an insane person expecting a different result. What I’ve learned from this is that YOU are the guardian of your own heart. It is YOUR responsibility and up to your discretion who you feel is deserving enough to be part of it. Everyone will reveal their true colors and they’re not always what they seem–even if we use our best judgement– we might still be disappointed.
I’ve realized that each time it breaks, I pick up the pieces and eventually it will heal. There is no specific time frame when it all feels better. It feels better slowly– with each cry, laugh, song, new experience– until suddenly you no longer recognize the heaviness that once loomed over you in the mornings and nights you were alone.
Being open and vulnerable is not a sign of weakness. It’s been a painfully difficult process for me to accept how I’m feeling rather than deny I ever felt. But its been really rewarding to be able to recognize that and then allow myself to feel in its entirety without guilt. Love and acceptance comes first and foremost from self–accepting yourself exactly the way you are, where you are in life right now. You’re not crazy for having emotions, no matter what people might say (including yourself). A sympathetic response is not a substitute for empathy, it’s simply not enough and you deserve better.
As masochistic as it appears, I still want to give my heart to others wholeheartedly. I think it’s important not to let the fear of rejection, loss, or heartbreak change a hopeful heart into a bitter one. There’s a difference in learning to be more discerning with whom you share your heart with, and becoming cold because you no longer trust your heart. It’s so important to understand that these experiences are molding your heart so you can be better for someone who is worthy because they, too, have been taught how to cherish a heart.
With each experience, I grow stronger roots. A branch might break, but a new one will grow. You set your standards, and you will be surprised that there are people who will go above and beyond them. The people who support you through your ups and downs belong in your heart. I am lucky enough to have people who have found a permanent place in mine, and there will always be room for more love in my heart! I hope that you, too, allow every opportunity of love into your heart. May forgiveness bring you peace, freedom, and create more space for unconditional love.